We lost Chochi .... and I'm still not quite sure what to do with what wells up inside me...
She was about 15 years old. She had a bowl haircut and sat in the same spot in the sun everyday. - Every morning she would greet us with "HOLA!!" - "Hola, Chochi" we'd call back in unison ... "Quetal esta??" ....at least 15 times over - until we finally brought her bowl of food to her. She was a no nonsense sweet heart. She would have none of the typical baby gibberish that most visitors/volunteers bring with them - she only want to talk like two normal adults, thank you very much. She wasn't one of the popular ones with the volunteers - but oh, how her nurses loved her. The day she died, as we made the rounds feeding the kids ... we passed stories back and forth...funny things she'd done or said .... the adorable way her thick black eyebrows almost covered her little chinita eyes.
It was a shock. I'd seen her only a few days before - and she seemed fine. It was a shock too ... when I first heard ... I thought of how jealous I was of Jesus - He gets to see her whole right now - I have to wait. .... I've never been so homesick for heaven as I was in that moment.
Chochi - I wish you could see how your life was celebrated in our grief over you. - I wish you could know how very loved you were...and are ....and always and forever will be.
Our little Clara - the curly headed angel who always sits next to the doors of Belin...paced up and down trying to look for some semblance of strength ... security - she finally latched herself onto me. - With tiny little moaning noises, she took me by the hand and shuffled over to Chochi's bed - sitting down, she patted the bed ...making little noises ....tears running down her face. - Finally she laid down on Chochi's pillow. I took off her shoes - and pulled the covers up over her... as she snuggled in she gave me a sad smile amidst the tears - and drifted off to sleep. ....Clara - who doesn't act like she knows one person from another .... grasped the loss of Chochi in a deeper way than I ever would have expected.
I stumbled out of the hospital that day and called my mom .... "I just don't think I can do this anymore." ..as we cried together. - I took my Bible and journal and went to the roof of La Merced to spend time with the One who waits to meet me at any moment ...
"Lord - WHY am I here?? I couldn't save her. I didn't change her life. She came and went as if I were NEVER there....the only thing left is grief" - "My daughter.... what is it you are doing right now? You're grieving ..you're recognizing a loss. You're here .... to bear witness of their lives ...to celebrate them when they are here ....and grieve them when they are gone. Your purpose is being fulfilled even at this time. Chochi is worthy of your grief. Her life was a gift .... and I placed you in that hospital to recognize it" - ever faithful, my Father in heaven.
For everything there is a time....
"...suddenly I turned around and she was standing there with silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair. She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns - "Come in", she said "And I'll give you shelter from the storm"
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The time is here.
I miss her
Father of the fatherless
the time has come for me to mourn....
....and for her ....to DANCE
What I would give to be able to witness her dance.
Thank You, Jesus for the gift of our Choichi's life.
Posted by Mary Margaret at 6:52 PM
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4 comments:
Thank you Mary Margaret:
It is 1:30 AM and I am sitting in a motel room that is about a five hour drive from Antigua. I am unable to sleep because in a few hours I will be bringing Lisvi and her family the rest of the way to their home. Lisvi is a six year old girl that I have fallen in love with. Not because of any outward beauty. At fourteen pounds Lisvi looks more like a shriveled up old lady than a little girl. Lisvi who is unable to talk and scarcely has the strength to change expressions has stolen my hart because she is one of God's children. Her parents recognize that as well and could not love her more if she were the most beautiful princess in the world. I have struggled for several days now trying to convince them that it would be best for Lisvi if they admitted her into the malnutrition ward of Hermano Pedro. The room that is located just upstairs from where Chochi stayed. Two days after convincing Lisvi's parents to let me take them to Antigua they decided that they could not bear to be seperated from her and asked me to take her back home with them. I must admit I was a bit bitter at first but during our five hour car ride home yesterday I watched both father and mother as they took turns holding their precious daughter. The love that they had for her was unquestionable. I began to realize that she needed them far more than any silly hospital. Reading your journal today helped to confirm that. Perhaps much like Chochi, Lisvi needs to be home with a Father that can hold her tightly.
Yours in Christ: Dick
*tears streaming down my face*
Thank you for this, Mary Margaret. Your soul is exactly what I needed on this very difficult day.
Love,
Erin
Thank you.
I can't think of any other words to say...
Kristin Vanzant
well said ginger well said:) you are a true depiction that even through mourning he wrapps us in his arms.
you are blessed and missed
One
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