Willing to fight

Today was my first *real* day of teaching at the Scheel Center - it was tough. More tough than I wanted it to be. - I expect challenges when I go into work ...and even though I claim to love being challenged - my attitude often disagrees with me. Today was no exception. - My first class went really well. The kids had no behavorial issues - and all was smooth. My second class was much different - I went in seemingly "together" and with it ... only to discover that when facing a rowdy group of 15-20 teenagers who've been taught an assortment of random English lessons .... none of which add up to what you're about to teach them .... can add up to be very challenging. I'm a little kid person. ...good teaching them - good disciplining them - good relating to them ...just generally ...good - practically been a mother to them my whole life - so it comes pretty easy and I really love it!! - And I've always been apprehensive of dealing with teens ...especially in a setting like that (in a classroom..I do better one-on-one) - but even more so since I don't speak the language well at all...the difficulty level sky rocketed. - I did my best to kind of make it up as I went along ...tried not to act flustered - but I was generally frustrated with the whole situation. ....what was my reaction? - hmmmm, maybe this just isn't my gifting - and was immidiately convicted....

I feel like something I find out over and over again is that nothing good and rich in life comes unearned - all things worthy have to be fought for ...and sought after. - this is something I discover in the day to day mundane, my spiritual journey, my relationships.... everything.

All weekend long has been one long reminder of how, if I truly want an in depth relationship with my Jesus ....I must be willing to not only open my arms to Him ...but also must run after Him with my all

And today served as another reminder... If I want to be the teacher that draws her students in ... makes them think - challenges them in a fun way that makes them want to know MORE .... I've got to pursue knowledge of how to teach (and learning to be organized might come in handy too! =) ... I must be willing to be ok with being new and starting at the beginning .... their lives should be worth it.

If I want growth in my life - I must seek it. I can't be content to continually sit back and wait for change to come to me .... I have to chase it.

Frustrates me extremely not to be perfect at something. It's humbling to me to be a beginner at something. - Rising to a challenge is something I so admire in other people .... being daunted is something I hate in myself. ..... so I have some things to learn... some things to take in stride as I branch out of my comfort zone in this teaching a gazillion teenagers -

So. I guess what it comes down to as I look into their eyes - some carefree .... some troubled .... some devishly charming ....some purely develish :P - are they worthy of my efforts and discomfort and being humbled? - if I can walk into a hospital and work fall in love with children that I swore I'd never touch (seriously...what the heck was wrong with me anyway??) .... then I figure that this too is an area where, with humility and a willingness to to learn - God can use me . - One thing that I love .... the way God places us in places where, in our own strength...we have nothing to offer - but with His annointing ...with His strength and wisdom and blessing ....we have potential to be powerful tools. - Beautiful.

Wipe Your Tears, Get to Work, and May God Bless You.

It's not often that I get to see the complete picture of God's heart in one, short morning - today was extraordinary. I was greeted today by the leader of a team we've got in for the week - big grin on his face ..."Let's go serve", he said. Excitement ... not something you often come in contact when it comes to serving in Hermano Pedro - it was beautiful to see!  Then later as I sat beside this same man in Pollo Compero ....with the children of Hermano Pedro surrounding us - he spoke of a conversation he'd had with his daughter - as she'd held a child to her chest and wept ..... heart broken and full of love - "It's ok", he told her - "those are the beautiful tears of Jesus for that child - but now you've got to wipe your tears and get to work"  ..... 

One of the greatest words of wisdom that my incredible mother has passed onto me - is that the enemy will do whatever it takes to keep needs from being met - one way is to blind you with selfishness - the other way is when your eyes are opened to the need....and your heart is broken - to paralyze you in your brokenness so that you are just as useless as when you were blind to the need. - that's what came mind when I heard Daryl speak of his daughter .... 

"Cry over them - then wipe your tears and get to work." 

How profound.  People often take need in layers .... see - process. feel - process. act - process .... all a road in preparing one's self to be of service - when the bottom line is just getting one's self the heck out of the way  - and seeing the Jesus you love in the eyes before you.  - but to hear it summed up in one simple sentence ..... pretty profound.

I was blessed today - like literally ...blessed. My sister and I passed by a beggar woman on the street just outside the Botagona. I passed by her - my hands were full of groceries and I couldn't reach for my pockets - but as I passed her, my arm brushed her outstretched hand - and as I did so - I knew that I couldn't pass her by ...this was one of those "Jesus" times. So I placed my groceries down - pulled a mere 10q out of my pocket - walked back to her - and placed it in her hand. As I turned to walk away, she reached out and grabbed my hand pulling me back - and only then did I truly see her...

 ~ She was typical in that she was dirty like the others - she was ancient looking like the others. Life had taken it's toll on her. - she was dressed in rags like the others  .... but unlike the others - she struck me as absolutely beautiful - about 4 feet tall with gray braids and sandals that were several sizes too small for her feet - her eyes were clouded over but there was a radiance in them. - As she pulled me back to her - she leaned over and kissed my hand.  - Then with a beautiful smile she placed her hand over my heart - "God will bless you", she said - She then reached up and crossed me ...."in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit -  .....He will bless you"  - 

I placed my hand on her shoulder - "He already has blessed me.... He already has".

I have never experienced the in such a real way the phrase, "inasmuch as you have done it to the least of these, My brethren - you have done it unto Me" - blows me away to think that the very same Jesus who I showed love to on the street today ...turned and blessed me right back.  ..... full circle. Full. Beautiful. Circle.

This is my life.

Wipe your tears, get to work, and may God bless you