



Posted by Mary Margaret at 7:22 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Posted by Mary Margaret at 10:56 AM 0 comments Links to this post
It's funny how one conversation...even one word can change your heartshape. Something my brother, in beautiful vulnerability said to me was, "I love loving people ... and I love being loved." Said in a conversation about the difference between fear of man and the desire to simply be loved. It struck me so profound.
I am struck with how awesome the responsibility is...of truly knowing a person. How carefully we must tread in our journey alongside that person...because through our knowledge of who they are, we are enabled to destroy or... to bring about a masterpiece of grace. Posted by Mary Margaret at 9:42 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Taking to me this beautiful truth :: because I am defined by as one beloved by God - I belong to the very nature of God ...and therefore ...am incapable of removal without destroying Him or His character.
.radically defined.
.this is the purpose in the incredible journey called Life.
Posted by Mary Margaret at 5:55 AM 1 comments Links to this post
she stands barefoot at the edge of the yard, hands clasped behind her back. Strands of her long black hair has blown loose from her once tidy French braid. – her skin is fresh and beautiful and brown. She is a picture of untainted grace.
Her very being is winsome as she takes in life through wise eyes and lives it out with not a care in the world. She is wisdom waiting to mature.
Her name is Anna and she is Innocence.
I stand behind her, observing. I am struck by beauty of the innocence before me. I want to call her to me and embrace every part of her. For in her is the innocence that I find in the presence of my Father. And surely, to embrace her is to embrace Him somehow. But I refrain for the moment – taking in her beauty from a distance for a while longer.
Suddenly, the moment of stillness is broken and the small girl leaps to life as an approaching vehicle captures her attention.
“Daddy!!” Delight is spilled into the air as she half skips, half runs towards the car. Her footsteps are light and barely touch the ground. “Sammy, Dad’s here!!” - She throws the news over her shoulder to the boy bent over his fishing pole. He looks up, distracted momentarily from his tangled fishing line –
“Mmm hmm”.
His half response brings me a smile . He’s busy with more important matters.
My attention is brought once again to Innocence and her Father. – His face is alight with love that surrounds her every move. Innocence runs into the arms that envelope her with safety. For here, there is perfect freedom. The world can’t touch her.
“How was your day?”, asks Anna’s daddy….
“Daughter, pour out your heart to me.”, says the Father…..
“Mommy took me to the mall and I bought this new shirt. Do you like it?” Anna steps back and turns slowly around allowing her daddy to inspect the pink knit top.
“Wow, that’s perfect for you. I think you look beautiful!!”
:::::::::
“Father, I walked with you throughout the day. I felt your presence in every moment. But Lord, I looked up at one point and realized that I’m growing up and becoming familiar with the world around me. And what I see scares me and leaves me full of questions…
“You are my Innocent and I your Protector and Shelter.”, responds the Father “Nothing can separate you from My love – not even yourself”
“What if I’m not strong enough for what is out there?” - Innocence turns around in her Father’s arms and looks deep into His promising eyes. – His arms tightened and His eyes fill with tears.
“You’re not, Daughter”
::::::::::::
Anna takes her daddy’s hand and tugs him towards the house. “Can we go to see a movie today, Daddy? Can we go for ice cream? Can Abby and Amanda come too? But not Sammy ‘cause he wants to go fishing” - Mindless of her own chatter, she continues on in the presence of her beloved daddy
::::::::::::
Her heart tights when a tear from the Father’s eye drops softly on her forehead. And though she would be content to stay here in this place with her precious Protector for the rest of forever – there is a sense of dread that starts to form in the bottom of her soul. – She pushes it to the far corners of herself, trying to hide it from her Creator.
He looks. Past her eyes. past her heart. into her soul.
“Daughter., I already hold the hidden of the hidden. Don’t run from Me.”
Avoiding eye contact, she wiggles off His lap and slowly, distractedly walks away.
“Daughter”
she continues.
“Innocence”
She slows.
“I have called you by name, Dearling. You will forever be written upon the depths of Who I am. I have called you Eternal. Unending. Everlasting. – for it is not possible for Me to cease My pursuit of your whole.
Run from Me. And I will chase you until forever far behind us. Hide from me in the darkest corners of your flesh. And even there you will find Me wrapped all around you.
I. Will. Never. Leave. You.
She stops. Silence hangs .
Then, as he looks on, She runs. And He weeps.
To the lovers that have, since the beginning, called her by the name she knows. To the voices of demonic allusions. To the darkness that promises ease and nothingness, she runs. And runs. And runs. And runs.
“Precious”
Squeezing her eyes tight. Welcome, darkness.
“Beloved”
She puts her hands to her ears and screams. Perfect, empty noise.
“My beautiful one”
There is roaring and raging over her. Then beautiful void. And then silence. ….. absolute silence.
She finds herself curled up in fetal position. She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t feel. She waits for death to come forward and call her name.
“Esperanza”
Hope? – The once Innocent smiles with a bitterness that cuts the Father’s heart. –
“There is no such thing”. – and the darkness dances and the lovers roar their approval.
“SILENCE!!!!!”
the darkness shrinks. The lovers quiet, and the voices still.
His presence is brilliant and cutting and fearful and she’s caught. –
Shrinking away she covers her face - “Please stop loving me. Please. Please abandon me. It’s what I want. I don’t know Your presence anymore. I’m not Innocence anymore. I’m not your Daughter. I don’t want what You offer. I don’t want You.”
Suddenly she realizes that she’s in His arms – and her tears find her again. She weeps.
“Hagar, Run from Me. And I will chase you until forever far behind us. Hide from me in the darkest corners of your flesh. And even there you will find Me wrapped all around you. - “I have called you by name, Esperanza. You will forever be written up the depths of Who I am. I have called you Eternal. Unending. Everlasting. – for it is not possible for Me to cease My pursuit of your whole.”
:::::::::::
Little Anna snuggles under her covers. Her daddy leans down and kisses her softly on the forehead. “Love you, Daddy” – “I love you too, sweetie. Sleep tight”
::::::::::
Innocence looks up into her Beloved’s eyes. “Are you really here?”
“I’m here. And so are you.”, responds the Father. “You are my Innocent and I your Protector and Shelter.”, “Nothing can separate you from My love – not even yourself”
Posted by Mary Margaret at 7:28 PM 3 comments Links to this post
Since my last post, much has taken place. – much. Part of that ‘much’ being that I’ve given my place as a teacher at the Scheel Center to two other women – and have returned to my place in the hospital. – I have been made aware of how little time I’ve spent at the hospital … the same place that was my focus for being here in the first place – in my efforts to be the best teacher I possibly could be, I was quickly pulled entirely away from my children at the hospital. – and, as ashamed as I am to admit it … I was ok with it. After my little Alex nearly lost his life due to the care in the hospital … that was it – I couldn’t take it anymore (crazy … how that entire decision was self-centered) – But first it was Alex … and then shortly after Chochi passed away – it was crazy that kind of loss ….so completely and utterly out of my hands – there was not one thing that I could do or say or prevent – it simply …was.
And so I dove headfirst into teaching. – I found purpose there. I found a lot of learning there. – but God’s anointing was lacking…His blessing was over my teaching …simply because He is in any part of our serving others. … but it wasn’t the same as it was when I was working at Hermano Pedro. – There are two place in my life …where God and I absolutely meet – one is when I’m playing the violin – the other is in Hermano Pedro … one I absolutely love – the other is a battle to continue because to love in Hermano Pedro is to constantly place your heart on the line…having no control over what takes place. It’s funny … someone told me that I was taking the easier road pulling away from teaching and going back to Hermano Pedro – but no … I took the easy road when I LEFT my children at Hermano Pedro. – in teaching …there is no risk – in Hermano Pedro …there is absolute and pure joy …but also daily heartbreak. That hospital is just about the only place where there is no focus on “me” whatsoever – I leave my flesh at the door and enter to face a reality of lives who have known nothing outside the compounds of the wards in which they live.
Something that I discover more for myself everyday … is that a life lived for “self” – couldn’t possibly be more empty. It is a pleasure that is only momentary leaving you wanting for more. … there is so much about this life that I remain clueless in … seeking and searching out truth, - but there are things that have stood the test of my entire life –
::Pouring into other’s lives … is a rarity … a beauty that is not often enough lived. I want to learn to walk in this way of life without even thinking – as a reflux.. I am eternally far from that as I stumble through this life so very selfishly - but it is my desire … because I have experienced a life lived for others during different seasons in my life - and there is simply nothing richer.
:: There is so much about Christianity and the church … that I simply do not get – I’ve never been remotely theologically minded so much escapes me … but this I do know – Jesus Christ is the love of my life…I don’t, for the life of me – understand Him J - but I love Him. I want His truth untainted by humanity …perhaps that’s presumptuous – perhaps I won’t know or understand until I get to heaven … but I want my journey here to be always, always towards that truth….towards His heart for the lives He’s created. – How beautiful His heart must be. … how I long to see it fully.
O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.
Posted by Mary Margaret at 12:34 AM 4 comments Links to this post
Posted by Mary Margaret at 8:22 PM 2 comments Links to this post